Betrayal and Love
by DesertOrchid7485
Summary: Bill may have chosen to die from Hep V but neither Sookie nor Jessica will let him go that easily. Will he be able to forgive them their lies and return their love instead? Or will he distance himself from them forever? Bill whump within.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Betrayal and Love

**Summary:** Bill may have chosen to die from Hep V but neither Sookie nor Jessica will let him go that easily. Will he be able to forgive them their lies and see their love instead?

**Rating:** PG-13, at most, I should think

**Disclaimer:** I own naught of True Blood or its characters. I am merely borrowing them and making the finale better.

**Author's Note:** Okay, y'all. I'm sorry but I count let TB end like it did so I decided to rewrite it with a bit of h/c for my Bill as well as some angst for them all. This is my first foray into the TB fandom so I hope y'all like it.

M

* * *

Day was turning into night quickly. The last rays of the sun were nearly gone, barely peeking through the shutters in the foyer as they went down. With the wedding day over, Jess and Hoyt were now free to begin their honeymoon. But Jess didn't feel like celebrating anything this day and wonderful, sweet Hoyt had understood. He'd let Jason take him out for the bleated bachelor party so that Jess could stay and watch over Bill. Her maker was fading fast and she wanted to be there for him as long as she could. Hopefully once Sookie got back his time would be much longer on this earth but until the human returned, Jess held no delusions about Bill's fate.

A commotion from the foyer brought her attention out of her dismal thoughts in the parlor and she turned her head to look at the closed door. She'd heard that sound many a time over and she knew it to be someone having fallen down the stairs. Normally she would have ignored it, not really caring about many in the house, but she'd also recognized the grunts that had been given as flesh and bone had met each and every stair. In a blur she went out to check on the man whom had made her into a vampire.

Bill lay in a heap on the floor, his pallor paler than was usual and pain written on his features. He seemed to be in the process of trying to get up and Jess went over to help him.

"Are you alright?" she asked as she wrapped an arm around his waist and slung his right arm over her shoulders. Her worry increased ever so slightly when she felt his muscles shaking and redoubled her hold on him so that he didn't fall again.

"I am fine," he assured unconvincingly. When she turned him in the direction of the parlor, he fought her, saying, "I am to meet Sookie. I must not be late."

Jess knew of his plans of course. After the ceremony Sookie had taken Jess aside and told her everything. She'd wisely started with how much pain Bill was in. Though Jess had subconsciously known that, it had still hurt to have had it stated as fact. When Sookie had explained how she'd known that, Jess had been stunned but the human hadn't waited and had delved into Bill's plans for his death and her involvement in them. Jess had been devastated and furious all at once. Even though she'd told Bill that she would learn to accept his death, she had still held onto hope that Bill could be saved. She refused to admit defeat until he was a pile of blood on the floor.

It was then, as Jessica had seethed and tried not to cry anew that Sookie had come up with another plan. Since she didn't truly want to see her father die, Jess had jumped on the plan and agreed wholeheartedly with it. Not long after they'd agreed, Sookie had gone and talked to Bill and then she was gone. Where Bill assumed she was going, Jess didn't know but the relief on her maker's face said that he expected to be released from his torment tonight and that Sookie had left to prepare for her part in it. Of course Jess knew the real truth but she wasn't about to share that with Bill. This was going to be a secret that Sookie and Jess shared until it became so obvious that Bill could no longer ignore it.

"I know," she admitted as she helped him slowly limp over to the couch. He seemed to have injured his leg somehow in the fall and was moving slower than usual so Jess was patient with him. She probably could have carried him but she didn't dare tread on his pride in that way. "I will call her and tell her to meet you here instead."

"No," he weakly argued through grit teeth. "Don't want to do it here."

"Do what here?"

Feigned ignorance was never her thing but either Bill was too sick to notice or she had gotten better at it because either way, he seemed to accept it at face value. "Never mind," he dismissed, grimacing as he sat down and laid out on the couch. "It doesn't matter."

Deciding to let him be with his supposed-secrets, Jess sat down on the table which sat opposite the couch. She nibbled on what little was left of her thumbnail as she watched the man she loved like a father rest. His brows furrowed and his hand tightened into a fist and Jess watched as the black veins of the virus lazily crawled their way to complete their claim on his flesh. There was now no part of Bill that was untouched by the disease, and all Jess could do was sit and watch as it slowly finished him off.

* * *

As Bill lay there, pain tightening its loving coil around his body, he dreamed of Sookie. He imagined the life that she would now have without him in the picture to drag her under and he smiled. Two blond-haired beauties ran themselves around her legs, their shining curls dangling around their shoulders as their mamma pretended to chase after them. For once Sookie had a lovely smile on her face that wasn't chased away by the dark he brought with him. It lit up the dream he was in like a super nova and warmed the air around him.

Out of the woods came Jess and Hoyt, happy as ever and carrying one child each. Clearly they had decided to adopt and both kids looked the healthier for it. Hoyt looked the proud papa that Bill knew he would be but it was Jess that beamed the brightest of the two. Her smile warmed her cheeks and gave her complexion a bit of added color which the lights in the yard did not.

This was the life he wanted for the two women that he loved more than anything else in the world. And having seen his wish fulfilled, Bill gave in and let himself be pulled into the abyss that waited for him.

* * *

Alcide's old truck had barely stopped before the Sookie was flying out of it. She'd only been a few minutes away when Jessica had called to say that Bill was getting worse. Her panic had instantly taken over, making her finish the rest of the drive like a bat out of hell. There was no way she was going to let Bill die on her. No fuckin' way.

The front door was only the merest of obstacles as she ran onto the porch. As if sensing her will, it opened on its own - although in hindsight it had probably been Jess who had opened it - and she jogged into the parlor where Bill lay. He looked so horrible and pale there, laying on the couch, that she stopped for the briefest of seconds, sure that he was already gone for good. But then her brain kicked in, rationalizing that he wouldn't still have a body of that was the case, and she quickly went to him.

"Bill," she quietly called as she unstoppered the vial of blood in her hands. "Bill, honey, I need you to open your mouth for me. Okay?"

_Sookie? Sookie what are you doin' here? You should be at home with your family._

Confusion briefly wrinkled Sookie's brows as she heard him. She still wasn't entirely sure how she could hear him; she only knew that she could. Still, it wasn't that which had her puzzled. Bill should know that she doesn't really have much of a family to speak of so why did he think that she would be home rather than here, saving his sorry ass?

An image of her in the front yard of her house sprung into her mind and it a took a minute before she realized that it was coming from Bill. It was nighttime but the yard was lit up as brightly as was possible. Everyone was there and happy and healthy. Hoyt and Jessica had a couple beautiful little boys and she, herself, had two adorable children. Sam was there as well with Nicole and his daughter, and Jason and his wife plus their two children were there. Goodness gracious, it seemed that everyone in the town had shown up!

Was this what Bill envisioned for her? A life full of happiness and love. Without him in it, Sookie wondered if either were possible but that was an argument for another time. For right now, she needed to get the blood that she'd brought into him. Lord knows she'd fought hard enough to get it.

Bill's head lolled to the side so that his face was to her but he didn't open his eyes. His brows wrinkled again as a new wave of pain seemed washed over him and Sookie fought her need to comfort him. Losing miserably, she placed a gentle hand on his arm and began rubbing it soothingly.

"Sookie?" he rasped as though waiting for her touch to prove that she was truly here.

"I'm here," she assured as she continued her ministrations. "Can you swallow some blood for me? It'll help you keep your strength up."

"We need to go," he mumbled, pain creasing his face some more. "The cemetery."

"And we will. But first you need to drink. Otherwise I'm not sure you'll be able to make it there."

Sookie hated that she was lying to him but she thought it better than the alternative. She would much rather that he were alive and angry with her than him being dead.

At her logical reasoning, Bill nodded and opened his mouth. As the blood hit his tongue, one blue eye wearily opened and looked at her. Sookie gave a shaky smile and poured a little bit more down his throat, refusing to give in to the urge to look away. Bill's gaze was penetrating at best when he was healthy. But right now he seemed to be silently trying to glamor her into divulging her true intentions and she was on the verge of giving in.

When it seemed that he had had his fill, Sookie took the vial away, stoppering it and tucking it into her pocket before he could ask where it had come from. The blatant Fangtasia sticker on the glass would be a dead giveaway of where she had gone and whose blood she had just given him and right now he needed to rest. Nothing more.

If she had expected the little drops he'd taken to instantly heal him, she would have been disappointed. In fact, from what she could see, they hadn't done a damn thing except make him sleepier. As soon as he had finished, Bill's eye had closed as he became as still as he'd been when she'd first entered.

"Why isn't it doin anything?" Jessica asked from behind Sookie, her worry for her maker evident in her voice.

"It is," Sookie assured while hoping she wasn't lyin through her teeth. "He didn't take that much is all. He just needs some rest now."

"Should I carry him up to his room?"

Sookie stood to look at the redhead, surprise raising her eyebrows as she did. "You could do that?" Normally she wouldn't have believed Jessica strong enough to carry Bill and she wanted to make sure that the younger vampire wouldn't hurt him if she tried.

Jessica looked down and nodded somewhat sadly. "He fell down the stairs earlier and he felt so light as I helped him in here." She shrugged. "I know that he hasn't lost any weight since we can't do anythin like that but it had felt like all of his strength was being used to remain conscious."

"Was he alright?" Sookie hadn't noticed any new injuries on Bill but then again they could have been hiding under his clothes and she wouldn't have known it.

Again Jessica nodded. "I think he hurt his leg somehow but he said that he was fine and refused to talk about it further. I figured, you know, given his condition, it was best not to push."

Sookie snorted but Jessica had a point. Still all that was a problem for a different time. For right now they had to decide if they would try and get Bill into bed or leave him here on the couch.

"Are you sure you can do it?" she checked, wanting once again to make certain.

Resolve seemed to straighten the younger vampire's spine and she fixed such a look of determination that Sookie had almost taken it for a glare. "He'll be fine."

Whether that was a statement on her ability to get Bill upstairs or on Bill's overall long-term health, Sookie couldn't be sure. Either way, she felt comforted by it and so she nodded her consent.

In a blur, Jess grabbed Bill and took him upstairs. Giving a sigh, Sookie followed up the stairs and headed towards Bill's bedroom, content to keep watch over him and Jess until he was healed.

* * *

Laying her burden gently down in the bed, Jess watched his face to make sure that she wasn't hurting him in any way. Now that she was upstairs, she could admit that he was a bit heavy but she wouldn't have let him fall. Or if he did, he would have fallen on top of her.

Bill groaned and writhed a little and Jess instinctively climbed into the bed with him. It was stupid to think that her presence could provide some comfort to him but she still hoped it did. Her mouth dropped open as she watched the black veins recede a little, as though they had decided to release their hold on her friend. Almost absently Jess caressed his cheek, making sure to keep her touch light so that she wouldn't wake him.

She decided that she wanted to be useful and so she got up and took his shoes off to get him more comfortable. Given how weak he seemed to be feeling she was still surprised that he'd managed to get himself as impeccably dressed as he always was as well as get his shoes on. Then again, perhaps he simply hadn't undressed from the wedding earlier in the day? It would make sense, for sure.

"Need any help?" Sookie offered from the doorway. As Jessica turned around to look at her, she could see that the human looked almost timid. But that couldn't be. Sookie had never been timid when around Bill. At least, not that Jess could remember.

"Nah, I was just takin' off his shoes," Jess answered with a shrug. Saying it out loud, she felt a little embarrassed about it but it was too late to take it back. "I didn't want to wake him by trying to get his coat off."

"He any better?" Sookie asked as she came further into the room to join Jess in her watch over Bill.

"A little. The veins are slowly goin' away."

As she spoke, she folded her arms over her chest and rubbed them, the action an effort to reassure herself that everything would be okay. Logically she knew that he would be. But until he was walking around being all suave and commanding again, Jess knew that she would never fully believe it.

Through the silence that followed, Jess heard her cell phone ring. Knowing it to be Hoyt - or Jason - she knew that she should go and answer it but she didn't want to leave Bill. When the phone finally went silent she breathed out a sigh of relief. But then it started up again and the relief turned into annoyance. With a roll of her eyes, she blurred downstairs and answered it.

"Hello. Hoyt?"

"Hey Jess," he greeted sounding completely drunk. "Hey, baby, I jus' wan'ed t'let y'know that I gonna be stayin' with Jason for the night. Day. Whatever it is."

"Uh, yeah, okay," she answered somewhat blandly. her mind was definitely not paying attention and her heart was still upstairs with the man in the bed. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Belatedly, she added, "It sounds like you're a little drunk."

"A little," he granted. "Hey, how's vampire Bill?"

Jessica looked up to the ceiling where her father was slowly healing and she found her feet moving to be with him once again. Even so, she gave a little smile. She loved how Hoyt always seemed to call him "vampire Bill" rather than Bill or Mister Compton. Much like Andy did, she noticed. She wondered if that title would change now that Bill was, for all intents and purposes, Hoyt's father-in-law.

"He's, uh, he's okay, I guess. It's a long story but I think he's gonna be okay."

"But I thought he refused to take the cure."

"He did," she said, her heart sinking at the reality that she'd gone against his wishes and force-fed him the cure. Well, he's already released her, what more could he do to her?

"Then?"

"I'll explain it tomorrow," she assured. There was a commotion on the his side of the line and she pulled the phone away from as the sound of it hurt her ears. "It sounds like you should go."

"Yeah, I probably should." She was pleased to note that he didn't sound particularly pleased at the idea of hanging up but she didn't comment on it. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yeah, talk to you tomorrow."

She hung up before he could say more and keep her talking. Turning her phone on silent, she slipped it into her back pocket and then went back into Bill's room. She paused upon seeing both him and Sookie curled up, sleeping peacefully. Resisting the urge to stay there and be a creep, she tip-toed back out of the room, closing the door behind her on her way to her room for some much needed rest.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

When Bill woke next, he automatically knew something was different. He still felt weak and, quite frankly, terrible but neither were as bad as they had been during Jess' wedding. He couldn't remember much after the ceremony and what he did remember came in spurts. He believed that he'd seen Sookie at the house later on in the evening but that couldn't have been correct as they had decided to meet at the cemetery. Then why was he in his own bed? Had he not been able to make it to the graveyard?

Knowing that he wasn't going to be able to figure anything out by staying in bed, Bill made as though to sit up, stopping almost immediately when pain throbbed through his lower back. He gasped more from surprise than pain and remained still after that while he waited for the muscle to loosen.

"Bill?"

He jumped, wincing when it renewed the pain in his back. He hadn't known that anyone else had been in the room with him, let alone the bed. He should have sensed Sookie the minute he woke up; or smelled her at the very least. Then why had he not? Was it because of the virus?

"Bill, are you alright?" Sookie asked when he'd failed to respond to her the first time. She sat up, her blond hair falling down in messy waves as she did so, and scooted closer to him.

Before he had a chance to answer her, however, Jessica ran into the room and ending by his side in a second thanks to her vampiric speed. "Are you alright?" she asked, placing one hand on his right shoulder and the other on his forearm.

For a moment, he worried over the amount of concern both women were showing him. Yes he was dying, however slowly, but there was nothing that they could do to make it easier on him. "I am well," he assured them, surprised to find that he meant it. Again, he wondered how that was so but he said nothing.

Now that he had both of them in the room, Bill felt as though he should be sitting up so he attempted to do so. A grimace crossed his face and the instant it did, Jessica was helping him with gentle hands and teary eyes. Her anxiety for him made him feel uncomfortable; surely he didn't deserve such level of feelings after all that he had done to them.

"My apologies for disturbing you both," he said once he was situated and more upright. The position wasn't necessarily comfortable as he seemed to have injured a muscle in his back and it was causing him pain to sit thus but he wasn't about to say or do anything to ease his discomfort either. He must be strong even when he felt that he was not.

"You didn't disturb us," Sookie assured.

"Yeah, you didn't disturb us," his progeny eagerly seconded. "We're just glad to see you awake and feelin better. You were pretty incoherent earlier."

"How are you feeling?" Sookie asked with such earnest that Bill found himself smiling and reaching out to cup her cheek. He stopped before he touched her, unsure of whether or not she would wish him to, and lowered his arm.

"Better," he admitted. "Although I am not sure as to why I am feeling better." Sookie and Jessica shared a glance that was full of meaning and confidence and it had him asking, "Is there something that I should know?"

"Are you hungry?" Jess asked rather than answering his question. She seemed nervous and he was curious as to why. "I'm gonna go grab you some blood." She was gone before he could tell her that he wasn't all that hungry and that he would much rather prefer she answer him.

Even though he was quite ill, he somehow felt as though he should be doing more than sitting in bed. So he set his jaw to grind his teeth and took a deep breath then prepared to get up. His movements were slow but determined as he ignored the discomforts of his body. Yet, the fact remained, that he was able to move somewhat more easily than he had before and it once again had him wondering why. He knew that he could probably simply ask Sookie to tell him but he also knew that he had a better chance of getting blood from a stone than getting her to do so which left him with the only other option of going to his daughter whom he knew would be more likely to talk.

"Should you be doing that?" Sookie asked from her side of the bed, cutting into his thoughts. The moment he'd started to move, he had felt her sit up and she now watched him with a more level view.

"I'm not dead yet," he answered, much in the same joking manner as when he'd said it to her shortly after discovering that he was sick. She gave him a half smile but didn't say anything more as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. There was a sharp throb in his left knee and a wave of dizziness washed over him so quickly that Bill felt himself away under its influence.

While he waited for both pain and dizziness to pass he attempted to think on why he was not dead yet. Because although he had used it as a joke, it was true and he somehow had the feeling that it would remain so for a very long time. The first possibility he dismissed as it was highly improbable that either Sookie or Jessica would go against his wishes in such a tremendous way; they both had heard his reasonings and had said that they understood, even if they hadn't necessarily agreed with them. The trouble was, that beyond feeding him the cure themselves, Bill couldn't think of another way to explain how he was still alive. He knew that once contracted the virus kills its host and no vampire has ever been said to survive it. Since vampires have no immune systems to speak of there is no physical way for them to fight the disease. Even so, had stranger things happened?

"Bill?" he heard Jessica call to him and he looked up to find her holding a cup of blood in her hands. She seemed almost hesitant to go near him which was curious since she had never truly been hesitant around him before. Distant, yes. Shy, no. She smiled when she noticed that she had his attention and held out the cup to him. "I figured you might be hungry."

He smiled back at her, unable to bring himself to tell her that he was not hungry at all. In fact, he was surprised to realize that he was still a little tired. And not in a weak, sick way; just needing a bit more rest. It was an odd sensation since vampires didn't get tired; they slept only because the sun was out as their bodies tended to simply shut down during the day. Perhaps he wasn't as well as he had perceived?

"Thank you," he said as he took the blood from her and took a sip. It was his second favorite - o negative. Sookie was and always would be his first favorite but he didn't want to chance drinking from her since she now carried the virus.

As the blood went smoothly down his throat he took another sip under the watchful eyes of both women. They seemed anxious in some way but he couldn't tell what. It was almost as though they were eager for him to drink the blood. But why would that be? Did they honestly believe that keeping him fed would help him fight this disease?

It wasn't long before Bill had had his fill. In fact, it had only been enough to constitute one full drink but it had seemed to fill him and that was all he needed at the moment. Even though he hadn't drank that much the cup itself was a little over half empty. Clearly Jessica had anticipated how hungry he was not and had planned accordingly.

"You should go get some rest, Sookie," he said after he had handed the cup back.

"I'm alright. I slept while you and Jessica did so I'll be okay for a little while." She looked over at Jessica and then down at her watch. "But I do have to go. I promised Arlene that I would help close down Bellefleur's tonight so that she could get home to her kids sooner."

Good. She wouldn't be hanging out here all night long. Bill wanted her to get out and enjoy life, not sit there and wait for his to end. Even while dying he felt as though he were holding her back. He only hoped that he would leave this earth soon; he knew how hard death could be normally let alone when it seemed to take its time in coming.

"Go," he tiredly bid. He stifled a wince as he bent his left leg and pivoted to face her better. Taking her warm hand in his slightly cooler one, he gave it a squeeze. "Go live your life."

"I'll be back," she retorted almost vehemently.

Bill smiled gently. "Sookie, I wasn't saying goodbye," he assured her. "There's just no need for you to hang around here, waiting."

"If you think I'm not gonna be here til the end," she swallowed visibly as though she could barely stomach the thought, "then you've got another thing comin'."

Again Bill smiled. "Well, in any case, I do not believe that I will die within the next few hours so you should be okay to help Arlene." Biting his tongue, he stopped the question that wanted to come out. If he said anything he would never get Sookie out of the house and he wanted her to get out for a while.

"Okay," Sookie said, sounding as though some agreement had been reached, though Bill could hardly think of what. She blinked a little and then stood up. As quickly as she could whilst remaining calm, she bent down to give him a kiss and then gave Jess a hug. "Call me if you need anything."

When she left, Jess began to fidget. Bill could tell that she was uncomfortable being around him but what he didn't know was why. "Jess," he said, stifling an expression of pain as he stood up and then turned to face her. "What's going on?"

"Nothin," she said a little too quickly. She shrugged her shoulders in a way that managed to look like she was shaking his question off. Discomfort was written in her body language and again Bill found himself wondering why.

"Jess," he said softly, limping forward. "What did you and Sookie do?"

"You couldn't really expect us to stand by and let you die," she challenged, finding the backbone that Bill knew she had. "Not when there was a cure that you could take."

"But that is precisely what I asked you both to do," Bill returned with enough agitation in his movements to show how upset he was. Though he had suspected it from the beginning, he still found that he was extremely angry by the betrayal. They had said that they understood, after all, why could they not have stood beside their decision and his? He winced again when both his knee and his back briefly seared with pain.

"We tried, Bill," Jess practically growled at him. "Jesus Christ, we tried! Do you know how hard it was to see you slowly waste away before our eyes?! Then, after the ceremony, Sookie came up to me with an idea for how to save you, and I just jumped on it, Bill, I'm sorry. I couldn't take seeing you in pain like that. Not when there was somethin that we could do."

With every word she spoke, Bill found himself getting angrier and angrier. Rather than do anymore yelling and risking the chance to say something that he might regret, Bill ran. He made it to the bottom of the stairs before his still-healing body gave out on him. He fell to his knees with a gasp. Pain vibrated through him, the virus working in one way or another, and his muscles tightened as his nerves fought the onslaught. He jumped when he felt hands on his left arm and looked into Jess's concerned blue eyes.

"You need more rest," she chided in a soft voice. Her hands didn't remain on him long. As soon as she noticed that he had noticed her touch she withdrew and seemed to fold in on herself. She appeared far more fragile than a vampire had any right to: she kept her face lowered, her eyes on her folded hands in her lap; her hair cascaded around the left side of her face, almost managing to blend in to the blood-tears that streaked down her left cheek.

While she had been holding onto him, Bill had noticed that she was shaking slightly and between that and the view before him, he felt himself soften. His anger wasn't appeased by any means whatsoever but he also didn't have any desire to take it out on her. Not yet. "Perhaps you are right," he granted, getting to his feet with care. "You should go," he added, "spend the night with Hoyt."

She smiled, not seeming offended at his gentle dismissal. "Hoyt and Jason are having another guy's night," she said. "But I'm sure I could spend some time out of the house." Her tone implied a question, as though she wanted to know if he truly wanted her gone.

Bill smiled at her, feeling guilty for his impoliteness. "It is fine," he answered after a time. "Will you tell Sookie that I would like to speak with her when she returns?"

"Yeah," she answered with a nod. Her voice was still a bit shaky but she seemed stronger at any rate.

He'd gotten to the staircase and had just begun to climb when she called his name, sounding like the child that he sometimes viewed her to be. She didn't say anything as he looked over at her but he understood her nonetheless. As much as he wished to reassure her, he was still a bit stung by hers and Sookie's betrayal. Still, he knew that that wouldn't last long with Jess and so he made an effort to ease her worries anyways. He smiled at her, the act all that he could give at the moment. She seemed to understand; she nodded in return, looking nowhere near as content as he had wished to make her.

"I'll be in the library if you need me," she said, slipping into the room without another word or look.

Bill turned and slowly, carefully, made his way back to his bedroom. As he lay back on the bed he wondered about many things. Would the virus return if he refused any more blood? Or would it simply take longer to work? Could he hold what Sookie had done against her or would his love for her override his anger? That he could and would forgive Jess was never in question. He was less of a destructive force in her life than he was in Sookie's and as a result he wasn't quite as worried about being in her life. Sookie, on the other hand, was a drug that he could not quit, no matter how hard he tried or how cold he made his heart grow.

It was not long after his head had hit the pillow that his eyes closed and soon, with questions, doubts, and thoughts still running through his mind, Bill was asleep.

oOo

Jessica had tried to sit in the library and read, really she had. But the look of anger and hurt on Bill's face as she had explained what had been done to him had continued to play itself on repeat in her mind, distracting her from the words on the page.

The anger she understood and accepted. They had lied to him and manipulated him. They had taken advantage of his incoherence, of his weakness, and had given him the cure against his wishes. It was similar to ignoring a DNR on a patient in a hospital, only this time, the patient could do more than sue you for saving their life; this patient could tear your apart. It was the pain that kept snapping at her, biting her each time. She understood it as well but it struck deeper with her than the anger had. Simply put, she had betrayed him - well, her and Sookie - and he had every right to feel it. It didn't make it any easier for her to stomach, but she recognized it all for truth.

The sound of the door opening had her putting her book on the desk and creeping carefully to the door. She wiped her eyes, hoping that the blood-tear streaks didn't show, and peered through a crack in the door. When she saw Sookie was closing the front door, locking it behind her, Jess crept into the foyer.

"How's Bill?" the blond asked as her brown eyes flicked towards the upstairs.

"He's, uh, he's okay, I guess," she answered, annoyed that her voice showed the tears that she didn't want seen. "He wants to talk to you."

Something in the way Jess had said it must have tipped Sookie off because she hesitated in going up right away. "Does he know?" she asked, her spine straightening as she prepared for the argument that was about to happen.

"Yeah." She paused a moment then she said, "Hey, Sookie?" The blond's eyebrows rose, showing that she was ready for whatever it was that Jess wanted to say. "What happens next?"

Alongside Bill's response to the truth this had also been weighing on her mind. Bill had told her his reasons for not wanting the cure. He had included his reasons for Sookie as well and so she knew that he wanted Sookie to go, live her life, and have babies and whatnot. But she also knew, from past experience, that he wouldn't be able to let her go. She had watched as he had tried - and failed - to do so and she had also watched as it had torn him apart to do it. It had almost been like watching someone slowly rip their heart out of their chest over the course of many months. As painful as watching him die had been, it hadn't compared to seeing him die a little on the inside. Sure, it had almost come close, but not quite managed it. She wasn't sure that she could watch him go through that again. But was them being together good for either of them?

Sookie didn't react to the question. Not at first. She seemed frozen to the spot, barely daring to breathe. Her eyes welled up with tears as she shook her head. "I don't know," she finally answered. "I just couldn't let him die."

And that was their relationship in a nutshell. Neither one seemed able to live without the other but they were also toxic to one another. Jess felt her eyes fill with tears again, for the both of them this time. When she had been a kid, Jessica had been sure of easy answers, that the world was simply black and white. Then she had grown up and Daddy had laid into her, preaching about Jesus all the while. Just when she thought that she had been living in hell, she had gotten kidnapped by a group of vampires and it was then that she learned that there was no black and white in the world, only gray. For Sookie and Bill, there was no easy answer - there was only pain.

Not wanting to to listen to them arguing but unable to be far from Bill's side, Jess decided to go out onto the porch and sit in the rocking chair. They would need some space.

oOo

Sookie attempted to calm her rapidly beating heart as she climbed the stairs to Bill's bedroom. She waited for Jessica to walk outside before she had let the tears fall. Jessica's question about what happened next had hit on a topic that she hadn't wanted to contemplate because Bill was right, she wanted children and to be rid of vampires. The trouble was that she couldn't find it in her to quit Bill. She loved him and she cared about him and both of those made it hard for her to move on from him. Yes, she could hide behind anger and distance but the bottom line of it was - she wanted him in her life. Did that mean that she wanted a relationship with him? Not necessarily. It was all a right mess, that was for sure.

Taking a deep breath, Sookie stood outside his door for a bit. She wanted to appear confident and composed when she went in and at the moment, she felt neither. Her hand trembled a little when she placed it on the handle and opened the door.

Bill's room felt dark. The accents of blacks and grays didn't help in the slightest but in this instance, it wasn't his choice of decorations that made it so. She could practically feel his mood as she closed the door behind her. Though he wasn't in sight at the moment, Sookie knew that he was incredibly angry and once again she forced her body not to react quite so vigorously to it. She had known that this would happen, that he would be furious, when she went to Fangtasia and she had accepted it. Now, she would deal with the consequences. Sickeningly, she realized that a part of her hoped that he would forbid her from seeing him, thus making it easier on her to erase him out of her life. Sookie had never once thought of herself as a coward, but now she believed that she just might be, if only a little bit.

Tying her hair back into a ponytail, Sookie sat down on top of the bed, grateful that she wore jeans tonight and not a dress; she really didn't want to give Bill any wrong impressions. He came out of the bathroom not long after, steam billowing behind him, with a towel wrapped around his waist. Droplets of water spotted his bare skin, shimmering a little in the lamplight when he came further into the room. The black veins of the virus were still crawling all over his skin but she was pleased to see that they had receded, if only by a little. Rather than claiming every piece of bare skin they could find, they were now isolated to his torso. Ice blue eyes briefly drifted over to her but he said nothing as he went proceeded to get dressed. For a moment, Sookie could see what appeared to be bruising around his left knee and she found herself wondering how badly he had hurt it. Not that she expected the injury to remain for long - with vampires they never did - but even so, she was concerned. His vampiric healing should have already taken care of the injury, and any other that he might have incurred when he had fallen down the stairs yesterday evening. Was it too busy fighting the virus and helping the cured blood circulate through Bill's body to worry about such a trivial matter? With a shake of her head, Sookie dismissed the question. She would deal with any hurts that Bill might be suffering through later. Right now, she had to deal with his anger.

"I'm not sorry," she stated right off the bat, inwardly wincing at how defensive she sounded. If ever there was a better way to put someone's hackles up in the beginning of a fight, it was to put yours up first. Finished with dressing, Bill sat in one of the armchairs in the room, facing the bed with enough coolness to lend a chill to the air. His left leg, she noted, was stretched out in front of him while the other was not, proving that the knee was bothering him. Ignoring the proof of pain, she went on, "I wasn't going to sit by and watch you die and I certainly wasn't going to help you do it." She received no reaction from Bill, other than to continue to stare at her. Sookie swallowed. "I know that had said that I understood your reasons for what you were doin but I lied. So you want me to have a family, a nice weddin, and some normalcy in my life - why does that mean that you have to die in order for that to happen? We could simply, stay apart, no long a part of one anther's lives." She swallowed again, choking down the tears that wanted to come at the thought of not having him in her life anymore. It wouldn't do to show him how much she wanted him to be a part of it; not when she was trying to convince him otherwise. "And I get that you love me and that you don't want to be without me in your life but, if you love me with everything that you have, like you said you did, then why can't you put my needs before yours?"

It didn't take long for Sookie to realize that she shouldn't have said that last bit. She had forgotten that she hadn't told him that she had been able to hear his thoughts during the ceremony. Now, not only was she telling him that, but she was also using them against him. A part of her was appalled at herself for calling him selfish. Yes, she knew that he had moments where he could be a little self-centered, but after she had come back from Fairy, he had honest-to-goodness tried to keep his distance from her. He had left her be unless it was in a more official capacity. He hadn't tried to push himself back into her life, back into her bed, even though she knew that he had wanted to. So how could she have been the one to accuse him of being selfish and pushing to keep them together? Duplicity. Because no matter what Bill Compton had said, somewhere in the back of her mind, Sookie had known that there was always another reason for him doing whatever it was that he did. Love was there, but so was something else - duty, and rarely was it ever to her.

"You heard my thoughts during the ceremony?" he asked with little inflection in his voice.

Sookie nodded. "I heard how much pain you were in, Bill, and I couldn't just stand aside and let you suffer."

"Which is why I asked for your help in dyin," he countered, anger heating his tone.

"And I already told you that I couldn't do that which left me with one other option - the cure." It all seemed so logical. So then why did she feel as though she deserved his ire? After all that he had done to her, after all the times he had betrayed her, why did she feel so guilty for doing it once to him?

It was a long time before either of them said a word. Sookie was too busy trying to puzzle out her feelings and Bill was doing whatever it was that he was doing. When she dared to look up at him, it was to find him staring at her. The ice in his eyes hadn't melted any. Instead, it seemed to be a clear piece of glass, under which she could see the pain and sadness that he would not express. Needless to say, Sookie was the first to look away. "Is that what you want?" he asked, forcing her to look at him again. Her brows furrowed in confusion, making him clarify, "Do you want me to disappear?"

_Yes! _It was her gut-reaction to the question so Sookie knew that, on some level, it was true. But then, why couldn't she bring herself to say it? "I don't know, Bill," she admitted on a saddened sigh. He blinked, red tears forming in his eyes which he refused to allow to fall. "I don't know what I want."

He stood now, the limp far heavier than it had been before he'd sat down. "In that case, I think it best that you leave." A tear fell down her cheek as the words ferociously bit into her. He reached the bedroom door before she did, opening it and then standing beside it, hand on the knob, posture straight and restrained. "Discover what it is that you want," he said when she had stopped in front of him. "I will be here until you do.

"And what if what I want is you?" she asked, needing clarification but not wanting to give hope where there may be none.

His breath hitched, as though he had been caught by surprised. "Then I will still be here," he said, essentially repeating what he'd already told her. Something in the way he'd said it made it sound as though he would be happier waiting around for that which didn't surprise her in the least.

She paused, wanting to tell him to take care of himself. When she saw him sway a little, she changed her mind. Clearly he was barely staying upright as it was. He needed to rest some more which was not something that he would do while she was still there. "You should drink some more blood," she said instead. His mouth tightened, showing her how likely it was that he was going to do that. But he had promised her to be around when she made her decision so didn't that mean that he was going to do it anyways?

"Good night Sookie," he bid rather than answering her suggestion.

With a nod and barely stifled tears, Sookie left. She didn't stop to talk with Jessica on her way out; no doubt she knew where the girl stood. No, what she needed was some time alone to think real hard about what her future might hold. Did she want a chance to have a husband and kids or did she want Bill Compton?

The truth of the matter was that Sookie wanted both.

**TBC**


End file.
